So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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