I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
