Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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