so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
