A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
