Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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