In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
