so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
