It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
