So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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