Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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