i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
