Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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