Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
