I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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