Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
