Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
