are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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