I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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