And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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