You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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