Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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