so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
