i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
