her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
