Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How's work?
Spinning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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