I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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