im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
