Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
