my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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