Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
