they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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