i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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