i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
