Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
