my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Houston, we have a squirter
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
