I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
