Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
