i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
