so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
