brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
