Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
two words: eviction party
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
