I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
