THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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