am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
