I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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