there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
