just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
