Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
