sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
