so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
