you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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