So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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