i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
