Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't deserve a penis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
