So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
