No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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