Only a mothe r could love this liver
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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