I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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