how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
These tits shall not be calmed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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