Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
