dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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