so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
