Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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