Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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