Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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